That Feeling. The one you get when you swipe your credit card, or take a test drive of a new car. The one that overcomes me personally when I walk into Target to buy 2 things and come out with 18. It’s an exhilaration that turns into realization that turns into questioning and regret, which just leads to trying to find more of that feeling to make ourselves feel better.
Money Shame – A 3 Part Series Hosted by Tammy Lally is based on a TED Talk that Tammy Lally will be giving on June 24th at the Dr. Phillips Center, focusing on defining, identifying, and changing our ideas on Money Shame. For the next few weeks, I will blog/summarize her inspirational words, however, it should be noted that hearing Tammy present this in person is a life changing experience. If you, someone you know, or a group, would like to have Tammy Lally, the Money Coach, speak and enlighten, please contact her!
Part 1: The Silent Epidemic
As children, we were all subconsciously taught money beliefs.
“Save on this, splurge on that.”
“That is a waste of money.”
“This is the best purchase I’ve ever made. “
You may not know this, but you were also taught money shame.
Inspired by Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of shame, Tammy defines money shame as
“The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – based on our bank account balances, our debts, our homes, our cars, and our job title.”
The first time I was aware of it was in middle school when all the other girls wore designer jeans and my mom only bought us clothes from Walmart. I equivocated my lack of designer labels to the reason I had no friends and the reason I never fit in. I kept this feeling with me and after college, when I finally had an income, I chose to spend most of it on those designer labels and other things I didn’t need in an attempt to fit in and find worthiness. I once took out a credit card just so I could buy a pair of Louboutins. It took me a year to pay off the credit card and I never want to wear the shoes because I’m so scared of anything happening to them.
I’ve tried to justify my spending habits – arguing that my purses are investments and can be resold, these jeans just fit better, those shoes are so much more comfortable; but in the end, even I have to agree that most of my designer things were just a waste of money.
Money Shame doesn’t have to linked to a shopping addiction.
We all have money shame, whether we earn $10,000 a year or $10 million.
Here are a few examples that you or someone you love may be suffering with money shame:
• Drives a Mercedes when they can only afford a Honda
• Plays the big shot, always picks up the check or financially rescues family and friends (This was me)
• Financial secure but can’t enjoy their money or spend it
• Under the pressure of not measure up and living paycheck to paycheck
But I know you break free from the grips of money shame. Because I did.
Stay tuned for Money Shame: Part 2 “Follow Your Dollars”, which will present some ways to help with these beliefs, in hopes of Financial Freedom.
In the meantime, reach out to Tammy Lally, the Money Coach, to guide you on your path of breaking this money shame cycle. She can’t wait to hear from you!